We all dread those moments of prolonged silence on a date when each person is scrambling to come up with conversation starters to keep the momentum flowing smoothly. It’s important to remember that the goal of a date isn’t to win the other person’s approval, but to assess whether or not you have common interests and may be compatible.
Therefore, you must reveal yourself and be willing to share who you really are. For instance, if you find yourself with a sports enthusiast, and you dislike games of all kinds—there’s no need to encourage a long conversation about football, hockey, or other team sport just to ensure that your dating partner will like you.
Inviting Mutual Rapport
It works best to steer the conversation to a subject that interests you and see how your date responds. The conversation should be like a game of tennis, where you have a comfortable rally, without one person doing the majority of the talking. Whether you’re looking for the love of your life, or you have relocated and simply want to meet people in Boston, for instance, these guidelines apply.
Due to the inherent anxiety often experienced on a first date, one person may talk too much and the other too little. If you tend to be a talker, be aware of this tendency and tone it down, allowing the other person to engage fully in the conversation. If you tend to take refuge in listening, push yourself to open up rather than playing a passive role in the dating process. Sometimes a person who likes to talk will think their date is really interested in them, when the truth is that they simply feel more comfortable smiling, nodding and asking questions.
Keep it Light
Revealing your authentic self doesn’t require opening up about your childhood wounds or past relationships. In fact, heavy personal topics should be avoided, especially given that a first date is essentially an encounter with a stranger.
But if you’re an intellectual homebody type of person who loves reading in bed and preparing home-cooked meals, then share that fact on a first date. A busy professional who often eats in restaurants and is stressed-out from work and frequent traveling may actually crave more low-key activities. The saying “opposites attract” is a cliché because it is often true when it comes to romance.
On a first date, it’s especially important to present your true, authentic self, even if it means that you’ll be rejected. No one wants to waste time. From the clothes you wear to the food you prefer to eat, project your personality with confidence. Yes, it may be socially awkward to steer a conversation to mutual topics of interest. But it’s important to focus on your goal, which is to determine if you actually like the person. Of course, you may be very compatible with a sports lover, even if you aren’t one yourself. A successful relationship doesn’t require sharing every interest. In the romantic arena, we must always be willing to compromise, remembering that there is no “perfect” partner.